Many of us live with an internal voice that’s quick to say “you should be doing better,” “you should feel different,” or “you should have handled that differently.” This “should” cycle creates a relentless stream of self-criticism that weighs heavily on mental health, feeding anxiety, guilt, and shame.
Why the “Should” Cycle is Harmful
When we focus on “shoulds,” we set impossible standards that rarely match our reality. This fosters feelings of inadequacy and failure. Over time, constant self-judgment erodes self-esteem and can trap us in cycles of negative thinking.
How to Break Free
- Notice Your “Should” Statements: Begin by catching yourself when you say or think “should.” Write them down to become aware of recurring patterns.
- Challenge the Message: Ask yourself if the “should” is realistic, kind, or helpful. Replace harsh “shoulds” with more compassionate alternatives like “I’m doing the best I can” or “It’s okay to take things one step at a time.”
- Practice Mindfulness: Observe your thoughts without judgment, letting go of the need to immediately fix or change them.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Shift focus from what you “should” be doing to what you have accomplished, no matter how small.
- Develop Self-Compassion: Treat yourself as you would a friend who is struggling—offering patience, understanding, and kindness.
The Power of Self-Compassion
By moving away from “shoulds” and toward self-compassion, you create a mental environment where growth is possible without shame. This shift improves emotional resilience and allows you to embrace imperfection as part of the human experience.